从黑暗到光明

还是会难过。

当你问我，这些日子是如何过的，我早已学会了用笑容告诉了自己第一千遍：总会过去的，无所谓。

当你问我，一个人的生活，难道不会害怕，不会寂寞，不会掉泪吗，我早已告诉了自己第一万遍：活着，就是最幸福的事。

在你眼里，我一直很努力的刻意把过去的那段不开心抹杀掉，给自己最完美的伪装。然而，我却一次又一次的，沉浸在自己的谎言。过不了的那关，依然是自己。

喜悦与感伤，我却往往放大了后者。我知道，不能，不可以。

成长能让一个人蜕变了许多。只是，有些成长，不会留下太容易治疗的伤。

什么是坚强，什么是勇敢。当脆弱与想念泛滥时，那最后也只变成了自己当下的定义。

生活总是让我们遍体鳞伤，但到后来，这些受伤的部份，一定会成为我们最强壮的地方。

原来并没有我想象中的困难，我不怕跌到流血，不怕疤痕，只要不会觉得痛，就可以了。

读到这些话的时候，心里默哀了一阵。曾几何时，习惯了堕落在悲伤，无法自拔。

很多人总是对我说：你好坚强。你要继续的坚强。

我告诉自己：现在的我，很好。

我不哭。

我不会再哭了。

。

虽然，我依然怕痛

。

分享：by priyamvadha bhatta

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The dark is something many people have feared as a child. I remember asking my parents to keep a night light on, so that the ‘boogie monster’ does not creep out from the dark crevices under my bed, and consume me whole as I lay asleep. As I grew older, the darkness became a part of my life. Not only did it morph into fear, but it also took its shape as depression, evil, ignorance and loneliness. There came a point where I gradually began to embrace the darkness, and started living with it.

Living in the dark corner, I shut out a lot of people from my life; I essentially kept to myself and feared contact with the outside world. I loved to be a part of my cold, dark world, where it was quiet, and anyone breaking that silence angered me. Anger was another form of the darkness within me. It was the form that helped me stay in solitude, and let me stay blissfully ignorant to all that life had to offer.

Although I seemed to pride myself in being in this dark abyss, there were moments when I could appreciate a few rays of light. It was like seeing a starry sky. These rays came from sudden sources, usually people that were around, who just gave a smile and walked past. It is strange what a stranger’s smile can do to a person’s mood.  It made me see things in a different light. Maybe I was not meant to remain in the dark; maybe there was more to life than my dark corner.

As time passed, I began to appreciate the brighter side of life. I started climbing out of my black hole, and slowly came into contact with the world. When surrounded by people, I began to find comfort in them. They would help bring a smile on my face, and they had taught me how to laugh. Happiness was something I had lost touch with, and they brought it back in my life. These people got categorised as my friends and family.

It took some time to get used to the brightness that was creeping into my life. It was not blinding, but there were times where I would shy away and try to hide back into the cold corner, although I started to love being in the warmth. In that corner, I began to appreciate the different colours of life, like the water and laser shows. The dark helped bring out the vivid colours and they mesmerised me. I started to appreciate the light more, and eventually, left the corner to step out into the light.

I could be seen with a smile on my face. I had no fear in getting to know people. The silence that I once embraced began to be filled with music and laughter. My stoic expression and movement metamorphosed into expressive dance. Black slowly turned into a medley of colours. Light became a part of my life.

Light is an entity that sheds rays everywhere. It can penetrate unknown corners and make them appear to the world. Once in the light, people take notice of all that was in hidden in the dark. They then make the choice of bringing it with them or leaving them behind. I was lucky to be allowed to come out of the darkness.

Soon enough, I was the stranger who would share a smile, and spread it for miles. There were days where I would be laughing all day, and in the process help perk up those around me. Spreading joy brought me more joy. The transition from my gloomy self to this bright persona was one that I had not anticipated, and yet found myself embracing.

Over time, I was called ‘a positive force’, ‘a happy-go-lucky person’ and many other titles. I have accepted those titles with grace, and with the knowledge that I have not gotten them with ease.Although the light is necessary for life, too much can be blinding. Balance of light and dark is the ideal. I know I will not be able to stay as bright as I am, and when things do not go as planned, I will choose to go back to sitting in the dark and going unnoticed. Yet, I know now, that I will not stay there forever, and that the light will find me, sooner or later.

“Lights will guide you home.” -Coldplay